But the father is way ahead of him. He dashes out, greets the boy, puts a ring on his finger, a coat on his back, and throws a great party. The other son who was faithful—who had not run away and whooped it up—is angry. But the father tells him that he is happy because the son who was lost is home—the boy who was dead is alive.

Most of the time, when this story is told, people shake their heads at the foolishness of the younger son. They coo at the generous forgiveness of the father. They click their tongues at the pettiness of the older brother. Yet, a person with the habit of forgiveness plays all three of the parts in this story. To understand that, it helps to isolate the four parts of the story.

1. The boy belongs to a loving family—a family rich in resources.

2. The boy chooses to leave the family, to disgrace the family reputation, to squander the family resources.

3. The youngster wakes up to that choice, repents, and decides to seek forgiveness.

4. Then he heads back home. There he meets the lavish and unthinkably generous forgiveness of his father and the resentment of his older brother.

BELONGING
Forgiveness doesn't work in a world of "us and them." The basis for forgiveness is a realization that both the forgiver and the forgiven belong to the same family. The forgiver is not a morally superior being. The forgiven is not a low life. Both are members of the same family. Each has a right to belong.

Examine any great moral evil you can think of—murder, rape, terrorism, oppression, racism. Then, examine the lesser evils—pettiness, envy, dishonesty. In all these instances people who should be together are driven apart by the evil. Belonging has been violated.

CHOOSING TO SIN
In the story, the son takes the good resources of his family and freely wastes them. He not only wastes them, he wastes them on promiscuity, luxury, and other hedonistic pursuits. People don't sin by accident. Evil exists because people choose to separate themselves from God and from the community. They choose to do what is wrong, destructive, and hateful. Unless there is something seriously wrong with mind or will, there are free actions—as free as is humanly possible. Without the choice of separation, forgiveness is not necessary.

This does not mean that people always foresee the results of their actions. One person's thoughtlessness can deeply hurt a friend. So, the thoughtlessness can be forgiven. Accidents cause harm, and people can deeply regret the effects of an accident, but how can anybody blame someone for an accident? (Lot's of people do, but they are the ones who have chosen separation and rejection.)

REPENTANCE AND FORGIVENESS
When the person who has chosen to be separated from the community has change of heart, reconciliation is possible. Sorrow is step one toward seeking forgiveness. But the family doesn't wait for the sorrow to happen. The family reaches out with the lavish offer of forgiveness even before the repentance takes place.

That is why everybody thinks the father in the story is so generous. He runs out to meet the boy. Before he even sees that the boy is sorry, he gives him a bib hug. Now, that's forgiveness!

HOMECOMING
All repentance involves a homecoming. All forgiveness includes a welcoming back to the family. Jesus said there was more joy in heaven over the return of one sinner than for one hundred faithful who didn't need to come home. That is why the older brother is such an important part of the story.

Some people don't like reinstatements. They are the "my church—Love it or leave it" crowd. If the Church were for perfect people, it would be a small institution indeed. The Church is the home of sinners. The older brother is every person who has resented mercy shown to sinners as if it diminished the prestige of membership somehow. There are not property values in the reign of God. The neighborhood won't go to heck because sinners are allowed to return. In fact, the willingness to accept the sinner home is one reason the community exists in the first place.

From The Catechist Companion by Cullen Schippe, Chapter 8, "Come Back Home"