In religious education, there is a big emphasis on teaching people how to be rid of their own sins. And that is as it should be. Recognizing sin and seeking God's forgiveness is an important part of the equation. The Church has ritualized and celebrated this personal reconciliation in the Sacrament of Penance—the confession of sins and the acceptance of the need for atonement.

But in the spirituality of forgiveness and reconciliation, there is another step—"as we forgive those who sin against us." There are three attitudes that can help in the development of this spirit of reconciliation.

UNDERSTANDING   People who have the attitude of understanding know that there are two sides to every story. They know that human weakness and selfishness drive people to all kinds of stupid actions. People with understanding are able to put themselves in other people's shoes. They realize that if they grew up with poverty, hate, mistrust, and violence, they might be far different people.

People with the attitude of understanding know that there are vicious people, too. These people can be mean spirited, violent, abusive, and dishonest. But people with understanding also know that the cycle will never break if they are mean spirited and violent in return. People with understanding know exactly what "turning the other cheek means." It means that violence will breed violence, and sin will breed sin unless somebody has enough insight and courage to stop the process.

KINDNESS   People with the attitude of kindness are able to withhold judgment on people. They are also able to treat people with dignity and respect even if those people seem to be undeserving of that respect. People with kindness can pour oil on troubled waters. They are the people who go the extra mile. They don't qualify people as recipients of their kindness. They are not satisfied with doing an occasional kind deed. Kindness oozes out of them.

People with the attitude of kindness are usually gentle people. They know that human folk are fragile—even the most hard-boiled. Kind people recognize cruelness when they see it. And cruelty is the antithesis of everything a kind person is. The kind person believes that by returning kindness for cruelty they will "heap coals of fire" on the enemy's head.

MERCY   People who have the attitude of mercy also have healing hearts. Just as a caring father drops everything to put antiseptic and Band-Aid on a daughter's scuffed knee, the merciful person pours forgiveness into the wounds people cause one another. The attitude of the merciful person is not "How much punishment and retribution can we inflict on these criminals?" The merciful person asks, "How little punishment is needed to do the trick?" And the "trick" is the defeat of sin.

People with the attitude of mercy do not take delight in seeing sinners get creamed. They do not rub their hands in glee at the need for prisons or electric chairs. The merciful people are not, however, weak. It takes a stronger person to risk setting the prisoner free than it does to inflict revenge.

PERSON TO PERSON   In the spirituality of reconciliation, these attitudes have cosmic implications. But for the most part, forgiveness is a personal reality. The habit of forgiveness is developed in the comings and going of everyday life. It is pretty easy to kneel in the back of Church and forgive sinners the world around. It is even rather easy to ask God for forgiveness. It is not always as easy to look somebody in the eye and say, "I am sorry I hurt you." It is difficult, too to look back at someone and say, "I understand. I forgive you. Everything is all right now." And yet, person-to-person forgiveness is a Gospel mandate.

From The Catechist Companion by Cullen Schippe, Chapter 8, "Come Back Home"